Monday 7 September 2015

The Worst: Hey look! A Dungeons and Dragons ride!

I've seen several people commenting recently that when they reread the rules of AD&D they discovered they were doing it wrong. This may be so, but not quite of the same order of magnitude as the makers of the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon. What a fantastic opportunity this was to introduce the game to a whole new audience. After watching a few episodes of this series, new players would flock to the game, eager to join in with the latest craze...

So, let me see if I understand this correctly - you play Dungeon Master and tell us what to do, in riddles.

What do you mean my Cavalier needs a horse? You're wrong – I've seen the show and he ain't got no horse. Do you know nothing? What makes them different from Fighters isn’t having a horse – what makes them different is not having a sword as they abhor violence.

I want to play an Acrobat. Fifth level? I need to wait until I’m fifth level???

Can I have a baby unicorn as a pet? I think they're so cute, the way they bleat like a sheep. So what if I'm male?

I need a hat. Why? Duh – so I can cast spells.

So what magic items do I start with? What do you mean I don't get any???

Orcs? I can deal with them. I scream at them and in their confusion we run through the middle of them.

Perhaps it's a magic cloak – I put it on and try taking the hood on and off a few times to see what happens.

We've had retroclones of every other version of D&D – surely now the time is ripe for a retroclone of "AD&D – TV edition". I warn anyone brave enough to take on this challenge that it'd take a lot of work - it'd mean an almost complete rewrite of OSRIC.

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